No one wants to hear a baby cry least of all their parents so when it comes to sleep training many parents fear it, say it's not for them, think it is filled with forcing a baby to do something they just can't do and will cry endlessly. I am here to tell you something different. It is not any of this at all.
Now I will caveat that with saying infants (0-5 months it is a different story. This age, sleep needs to be supported and I do not do any sort of formal sleep training until 5 months)
Teaching your baby the skill of falling asleep independently will be gold dust because this is a skill that we all need into adulthood. Yes, there are unicorn babies out there that have no issues at all and many need some help. When your baby is able to fall asleep unassisted then this will help them achieve a good, deep, restful night's sleep and in turn you will get a good night's sleep and be full of energy to hit the swings first thing in the morning, enjoy that baby swim class and head out for an evening with your friends.
It does not involve forcing a child to do something they are unable to do. It does not have to involve leaving them in a room to cry for long periods of time. It can be done gently and slowly and still get great results.
What I would like to say however is that when your baby cries it doesn't mean that something terrible is happening to them. It can be because they are overtired, perhaps they are under tired and not ready to go to sleep. Perhaps they are too hot or cold. Perhaps they are just bored. Yes it may be a protest cry but that protest can just be something as simple as FOMO!
Crying is an important way to communicate that something is not quite right so it is important to always respond.
There are many ways to sleep train without leaving your child's room.
Camp out
This approach I often advise parents to do when they are feeling anxious themselves, the child is nervous or perhaps when there is an extremely strong attachment to the parent. Particularly if co-sleeping has been the thing for a long time.
The idea is to sleep the night in your child’s bedroom gradually moving towards the door and out the room over a period of time. I have seen this work in 2 weeks and I have seen it work in 6 weeks. It really comes down to the temperament of the child and how they respond.
Pros -
A much gentler approach than an out the room method.
Works beautifully with anxious children and parents
Generally a lot less crying (but not necessarily NO crying - remember you are changing sleep habits here and your child was very happy with what was before)
Can work well with pre-schoolers and older children as well as babies
Cons -
It can take time (2-6 weeks)
It can be hard to implement in the night if your child can get out of the bed and crawl into yours
You need to have firm boundaries in the night (for those pre-schoolers and older)
You need a lot of patience
Gradual retreat
Similar to “camp out” however you will not sleep in the bedroom. YOu simply use a cushion or chair to sit on while your child falls asleep. You will then move your chair a little further away every 3-5 nights until you are out of the door and stay the other side of the door a further 3-5 nights.
Pros -
A great option for parents who do not want to take a very long time to achieve results but still feel anxious
A much gentler approach than an out the room method
Works very nicely with babies and children who need to have a parent close by
Less tears than out the room approach
Cons -
Can take some time 2-3 weeks
Can be hard with a very strong willed child who is getting to stimulated by you in the
room
They may continue to engage with you
Can take a long time to fall asleep
Can be hard for you the parent the sit in a dark room for long periods of time
There may very well be some level of crying
There are other little things that I add into the mix when I am coaching and supporting parents through these approaches and that is what makes my clients get results. It is very individual to each family.
Remember sleep training is more than just implementing a sleep training method - it is taking a holistic look at your child's whole 24 hours and ensuring it is all optimum to achieve the sleep they need at night. At least that is what I do. The approach is the last thing I ever look at.
If you are feeling confused with what to do, which way to take and how to go about it then let's chat. Book in a free sleep assessment call here and I will support you through the whole journey to ensure you get results and you all sleep peacefully.
As always,
Peaceful nights to you all,
Rachael,
Your paediatric Sleep Coach
xo
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